Happy Singles awareness day

I only joke around about the Happy singles awareness day, because on Valentines day, it sure feels like it is singles awareness day. I remember being a single mom and my daughter made me a card that said that. She knew love was the farthest thing from my mind.

Lots of legends and speculation surrounds this very day, and due to not being a very religious person, and a more spiritual person my favorite comes from the legend I found on the history channel. The legend says Valentine was a priest who served in Rome during the third century. Emperor Claudius II believed single men made better soldiers than those who had wives and families, so he outlawed young men from getting married. The priest Valentine didn’t agree with the Emperors decree and continued to marry couples anyways. Eventually his actions were found out and he was put to death.

Societies across the world were like IN YOUR FACE CLAUDIUS, love wins, and we are all still celebrating all these centuries later. Pretty awesome. The not so awesome is this day has become about materialism, and loneliness. Its the night a lot of babies are made, and a lot of fights break out because some dude didn’t out do Tom from church and Julie has to listen to Donna brag. For some, it’s the only date night they get all year. For others, they day goes on, forgotten because one doesn’t care while the other secretly does.

I am not a materialistic person, and I don’t have high expectations. I’m sure Gladiator appreciates this! I will be working, and he will be many miles away. Personally, I’m not a huge fan of Valentine’s Day. I’ve never been in a relationship that has made it feel special so I try to ignore the day. I am human and get a little envious of those who post their flowers and trinkets in Facebook, but at the end of the day, I’m happy to be married to someone I love.

I hope that whatever your situation is that you will try to remember what this day is really about. It isn’t about the price tags, or what your doing, but who your doing it with. If your single, that is okay. Do something for you. It’s good for you to love yourself. Perhaps make some plans with other single friends, or do something nice for yourself that you wouldn’t normally do. If you know a single mom, send them a card or some flowers. Seriously, single moms struggle the hardest.

Happy Valentine’s Day (aka baby making day)! Also, happy singles awareness day to those who are happy they are single.

How to stay positive when life hits

We have all been there. A single moment in a day, that can transform our moods to shit. A conversation that didn’t go as planned, a misunderstanding, needs not met, day not going as planned, kids being crazy or maybe even a fight with the significant other. Whatever that moment may have been, now has you overthinking, and overplaying in your mind the should’ve, would’ve could’ves.

Discontention and unhappiness happens when we are not living in the moment. We become anxious, because we think we have to find the solution. We have to figure everything out right that moment, rather than live in the present and see what life brings.  When we get on the record of thinking about that moment over and over, we lose our ability to stay in the moment.

I am guilty of overthinking things. Let me tell you, overthinking can seriously ruin a good mood and the chance at a good day. I am still learning to train my brain to stay in the moment. I believe it’s a habit that takes a lot of retraining and I hope that one day, it just becomes second nature to live in the moment without second thought. I’ll get back to you on that one. Anxiety comes when I begin to worry about the future, and overthinking and stress comes from the past. Calm comes by living in the right now.

Next time you find yourself struggling with some emotions that are taking your day downhill fast, try a tip or two. and see if you can’t turn it around.

  • Journal your feelings with no censoring. Write down exactly what you are feeling. When I am really upset with someone, I find it helps to journal as though I am writing a letter to that person.

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  • Watch a movie.
  • Read a book.
  • Go for a run. Not a fast walk, but a run. The kind like when you were a kid and ran as fast as you could just to feel the wind in your hair. Do that. Run fast and run hard. Do it while thinking about what is affecting your mood. Go as far as you can. Hopefully by the time you are done with your run, you have burned off the negitive energy. This is my favorite. When I am dealing with really tough stuff, I run…. a lot.

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  • Take a hot bath.

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  • Meditate

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  • Clean the house.
  • Write down a list of things that you are grateful for.
  • Listen to happy music on pandora.

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  • Do something to pamper yourself. Get your hair or nails done.
  • Unfollow negitive people on social media.
  • Do some yoga.

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  • Dance it out. Blare some music and dance it out.
  • Play a game or two.
  • Take a nap.

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  • Go for coffee or dinner with a friend, but don’t discuss the issue at hand that is bothering you.

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  • Scream into a pillow. This is completely underated.
  • Punch a memory foam pillow. If you are that angry and need to hit something, memory foam pillows are the bomb. Some people have an incredible talent of leading me to this option.
  • Color.

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  • Expiriment with drawing some zentangles.
  • Declutter. Throwing things away is very theraputic.
  • Pin happy things until you feel happy and encouraged.

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  • Make a goal board.
  • Make a bucket list of all the things you want to do.
  • Think of somewhere you want to go, and waste time planning a vacation even if you really are not going on it. It’s fun to look and research. Maybe someday you will go there. If youre rich, plan a real vacation.

The years are short. Life isn’t always easy. People aren’t always easy. In fact, sometimes people completely suck, but none of that changes the fact that life is short. Do you really want to waste your life feeling anything but happy? Find something happy in every day to keep you going.

 

 

Adventure awaits- or do you?

Life is a glorious adventure if you choose to embrace it. Many of us sit on the sidelines watching friends, coworkers, neighbors and celebrities enjoy life with envy while we wish we could be doing the same thing. We come up with excuse after excuse why we can’t do it. Why are we standing on the sidelines of life?

Generally we have two real reasons:

1) You don’t really want what they have, you want the ability to have an adventure.

2) You are not willing to dream and plan to have what you really want. Instead, you believe it’s impossible and therefore it is impossible.

If a child says I want to be a professional football player. Most of us think of our favorite player making millions of dollars. What if this kid didn’t even try? Is this kid saying he wants to play football because its his passion, be rich or famous? Which is it? What path is he going to take to get where he wants to be. As parents, we brush off the dreams of kids instead of teaching them how to figure out a path to achieve their dreams. Then as adults, we assume everything is impossibly. Really we just need to be direct with what it is you want exactly and freaking go after it. Don’t just dream it, but go for it. Standing in the mud flapping your jaw does nothing but leaving you right there with wet, muddy shoes. You need to step forward. Not every step will be easy but each step will be forward and take you in a direction you want to be IF you are willing to make forward momentum.

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Make a bucket list notebook. In that notebook, think of every possible step you would need to take in order to get to the goal you want. Don’t let the fears of the unknown set you back from creating your goal list. You can’t let things hold you back if you want the life you say you want, but you have to put in the work. Once you have your list created, and you have thought long and hard about the different steps you will need to take to achieve the goal on your bucket list, get to work. Not every step is going to be fun and rewarding. In fact, some steps will be messy and feel defeating, but if you keep your eye on the goal and keep forward motion, you will get there. I remember a time I started going after something I thought I wanted, only to find a new passion along the way. I had hit a stepping stone toward my goal that ignited something I absolutely loved. If that happens, that’s okay. Sometimes our end goals change. Regardless of the outcome you can do this! Before you know it, you will be living the life you have always wanted and the people in the office will be wondering how the hell you do it.

Stop waiting to live the adventure of life and to it now!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fired for the “R” word

The “R” word.  Back in the day, it may have been “cool” to use it as slang. As a woman with a well-rounded vocabulary, that does not get offended easily, I find using any combination of the R word extremely offensive. I don’t like hearing someone called retarded. Nothing makes me lose respect for someone faster than not only hearing that world, but also the justification of that word. Nothing justifies using it. It’s an old, outdated term used for being a dick and an uneducated term for those with mental, or intellectual disabilities.  Why does this boil my blood?

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Not only do I have a kid on the spectrum, but I have a passion for and work with people of special needs. I work with all levels of needs from mental illness along with physical, intellectual and developmental disabled adults. As a person in the field, you grow an attachment to the people you are caring for. It is always professional, but it is your job to know their needs, be in tune to their needs and advocate for them. It is my job to help them live the best life they can have by reaching goals to become and be as independent as possible, teach living skills, and assist them in areas they are unable. As a person who has a passion for working with those who have extra needs, I can’t stand to hear the word. It’s offensive. To you it may just be a word. To me, I see faces. I see the face of my child, or the individuals that I work with and I can’t imagine anyone calling any of them something so horrific. Then to toss it around as if its nothing because “dummy” just isn’t cutting it pisses me off more. Grow your vocabulary. When you get to a point that nothing is off-limits, you have reached a new low. I like dim-witted ignoramus rather than such a hurtful term used as slang. Thankfully, my friends don’t use that word around me.

So knowing this information about me, you can imagine my reaction to the next scenario. I was in a training meeting, and this dude was talking to a fellow coworker about non work junk and he lets the R-word out. The big squeeze was there and fired him on the spot. How can you do the job we do, if that word is in your vocabulary. To say I was amused at the instant firing, and may have laughed inappropriately was an under-statment. Props to the big man for understanding that he wasn’t a good “fit.”

Getting off my soap box. There you have it folks. The R-words offensive. Don’t use it. If you get fired for using it, I will virtually laugh at you.

 

Love yourself

Do you love yourself? I mean, really love yourself, or do you figure that is not your job? How do you know how to love another person, or expect others to love you if you can’t love yourself? If you’re not kind to yourself, how do you expect others to be kind to you? If you don’t treat yourself well, how do you expect others to treat you well? These are legit questions, you need to consider, as they are all a part of loving who you are. You are unique. No one else can be you. People may want to be “like” you, but they can never “be” you.

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You can know if you really love yourself with a quick self check. Do you take compliments well, or do you brush them off? If you mess up, do you tell yourself how dumb you are? Do you make fun of yourself to make people laugh? Do you look in the mirror and pick apart the things you don’t like? Are you confident in your abilities, or overthink your every move? Do you stand up for your boundaries, or bite your tongue? Questions like this will usually make us uncomfortable if we don’t love ourselves. Its time to stop doubting your greatness, and love the uniqueness of you.

The world can tell you how bad you suck, you don’t need to do it too. It’s time for you to stop doubting your greatness, and love the uniqueness of you. Accept those compliments with a simple “thank you”. Find some things you like about you that don’t make you gag, and tell yourself them several times a day. Take care of your body through prayer, meditation, exercise and eating good foods. Live life without comparing it to others. Chances are, you’re jealous of their happiness, not what they actually have. Be happy for them, and do your own thing. Forgive yourself for the stupid shit that happened in the past. It does nothing more than add more weight. Change your inner talk. When you find yourself talking some nasty crap, nip it and change the dialogue to something kind. If you can’t be kind, at least be true. We have moments in life we suck and our inner person will beat us to death about it for hours. Acknowledge that you messed up, how you are going to fix it IF you were a jerk, fix it and then tell yourself that you’re a bad-ass that owns your shit. We all mess up from time to time, but no sense beating a dead horse. However, if you were a jerk because someone deserved it, quit beating yourself up over that crap. Let it go. Knowing your boundaries is part of loving yourself.

How to get the life you desire

Are you happy with who you are and where your life is today? Do you love yourself, or just little bits of yourself?  Every day we have the choice to make changes to our life to alter the direction we want to be. Yesterday doesn’t have to define us, but if we don’t wake up and decide to change our directional course, nothing changes. If we don’t choose to change the way we are thinking, nothing will change. Living a positive life takes living with intention. You can’t have a positive life with negative thinking, or by surrounding yourself with a negative tribe.  You have the power to be intentional with your thoughts. We attract what we vibe, and while it may sound so cliche, it’s the secret behind living a happy life.

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I was miserable in my job. It wasn’t a career, but a job. The other employees were negative, morale was down, I had no passion for what I was doing, and I certainly didn’t feel that was I was doing was putting any good into the world. Misery seeped into my world. I was having nightmares, was filled with anxiety, depression was an understatement, and no matter how much I craved happiness, it felt out of my reach. One day, I decided I couldn’t do it anymore. It was time for me to make a change. I needed to do something I felt good about doing. Something I was passionate about doing, even if that meant taking a pay cut. In life we have to make sacrifices to achieve happiness. I changed my course of action and decided to jump in the trenches and do something I was passionate about. The moment I declared my intention, life immediately began to shift on its axis. I felt it. It was an earth shattering directional change that seemed to attract what I wanted, and even though the ground was unstable, instant balance and calmness happened.

It’s common knowledge we can’t up and quit our jobs, or stop adulting, but we can make changes to our lives that will cause the directional change we crave. Keep in mind, I didn’t quit my job before having another job. We can’t drop our responsibilities and hope things just fall into place. We have to declare what we want, start action, believe it will happen, but if we are not brave enough to believe it’s within our reach, we will never attain it. You have to work for what you want, but you also have to BELIEVE that it is possible. If you don’t believe that it is possible, you will prove yourself right every time.

If you could change your life today, what would you be doing? What brings you joy?